de bi t ch. [Happiness is a journey, not a destination.]

Tuesday, December 04, 2007

why is it the people i love the most, i care about the most, i end up hurting them the most? and instead i waste my time on useless scumbags. i don't want to say sorry anymore cos i know that no amount of "sorry"s can atone for what i've done. but i still wish that i never took them for granted, and wish they knew how much they meant, and how much i never wanted to hurt them, and if ever i'm allowed, i really want to turn back time.

i'm sorry, jo han. i'm sorry, alex. only the 2 of you can make me cry instantly. it's quite funny sometimes. lol.

i finally let alex go, when he found his new love. when he was happy again. though it felt weird inside, i know i was truly happy for him. still i sometimes wish i could make up for what i did, and be that person that makes him smile and laugh again.

maybe i'll never be able to fully let go of jo han (no matter how much he says he doesn't love me etc etc) when he finds that new love, just like alex did. though i really don't want that time to come, i know it will. unless it's me which hmm i don't know. i know that i'm not holding on cos i can't get him. cos i know that i will and can let go of him if i really want to. the thing is i want to be that person to heal his heart, to make him happy and smile again. but if someone else better can do it, i'll still be happy for him. he was the angel that God sent to me. and yet i spoilt every thing. he was that person, i never felt so sure before ever since alex. even now, no one has ever made me feel this way. but he will never know, he will never believe. cos of all the horrible things i did.

and soon it will be 2 years since we broke up, making it 3 years since he first came into my life. and if it's time that he's waiting to show what love is, i think it's time. at least it's showed me. my love for him never went down a single bit. i know it's still as strong as ever. though many other things have happened, and it's simply just cos of my selfish side wanting to be happy just for a while. and get away from things that makes me cry, make me sad.

aih i think i should stop ranting. goodbye, dead blog. i'll come back again one day i promise. :)

p.s. should have never opened that damn box. i knew that will happen. so annoying. grrr. haha. :P exam stresssss perhaps :(

S ranted at 10:47 pm | 0 comments

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